Asking Eric: Grandparents wonder how long to keep trying to reach estranged granddaughter

Dear Eric My husband and I have been estranged from our -year-old granddaughter for eight years We were loving supportive grandparents but after the mother of our granddaughter broke up with our son the father she stopped our granddaughter from seeing us as well For eight years I have tried to keep contact with our granddaughter with gifts and cards on her birthday Christmas and other times I do not receive a response of any kind from her We believe her mother forbids her from contacting us My question is should I continue to send cards and gifts to her I m ready to stop I don t want her to forget us but I m very tired of attempting to reach out to her with no response Estranged Gramma Dear Gramma Eight years is a long time to go with no response I m sorry I know that s hard If you re ready to stop or modify this practice I think it s OK to do so Sending cards and gifts hasn t had the desired effect thus far and if it s just contributing to your grief and sense of loss it might be best to take a pause Consider however that your granddaughter is about to be a legal adult and therefore will be able to make different choices about who gets to contact her And also consider that the gifts may have had a positive impact on her even if they didn t aftermath in a closer relationship with you There are a lot of unknowns As such don t feel obligated to keep up a tradition that s wearing you down You might for instance take a scant years off and then reach out with a letter asking if she s open to reconnecting You ll have to respect whatever she chooses but there are other paths forward They ll just take a little more time Dear Eric I have been dating my girlfriend for one and a half years now and we have a really strong relationship I care about her a lot and our relationship means a lot to me However in recent weeks our relationship has been missing the spark it used to have and it just isn t as exciting anymore although I still very much enjoy spending time with my partner and our relationship is fine Additionally I have started finding someone at work attractive and have uncovered myself looking at them a lot and trying to be around them often I have already notified my partner that I find this person attractive but I commented it didn t amount to much sort of like thinking a movie star is attractive and so my partner was not too upset However I feel very guilty about my feelings of attraction and am worried that it could be a sign my girlfriend may not indeed be right for me I m hesitant to just break up with my current partner and begin talking to the person I m attracted to as I feel it would hurt her greatly and I also don t want to lose such a good relationship Furthermore I haven t spent much time with this coworker whom I m attracted to and don t wish to spend any time with them as it feels like cheating So I don t know much about their personality and they could end up being someone that I certainly dislike Is it a bad idea to throw away a perfectly good relationship just for a crush Is it immoral to have these feelings and stay with my partner Are these feelings a sign that maybe our relationship isn t meant to be Confused Lover Dear Confused Bad idea Yes Immoral No A sign Reply hazy ask again Your relationship with your girlfriend is changing as is natural Things won t inevitably have the sizzle and spark of your early attraction That can be jarring but it s often an opportunity for you both to reinvest in the relationship to make specific adjustments and to light new sparks Related Articles Asking Eric Husband disapproves of wife s dream vacation Asking Eric Retiree feels obligated to constantly go see friends new band Asking Eric Parents excluded from daughter s th birthday but in-laws got an invite Asking Eric Friend courts danger by feeding wildlife in her backyard Asking Eric Spouse wants to reconcile with husband s estranged sister Relationships aren t ever static Try to communicate openly about what you miss what you re hoping for and means big and small that you can keep building the relationship I don t know what the inside of this crush looks like But I know that it s often easier to look at something that s new and mostly unknown and start to construct an idealized narrative It s easier to imagine that everything will be perfect with specific other person without even really knowing that person than to accept that perfect with the person we do know takes work Bulk of the time a crush is just a crush If you want to get to know your coworker outside of the office and see if reality matches your imagination that s fine presuming she also wants to get to know you But I think your first step should be spending specific time working on your relationship with your partner Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com