Asking Eric: Mother struggles to accommodate daughter’s veganism

Dear Eric When my daughter married years ago both she and her husband decided to go vegan My husband and I respected and fully supported them After all we had raised her on meals cooked from scratch out of natural ingredients and saw veganism as a move in an even purer direction Sure it was hard to ditch the turkey at Thanksgiving and the roast beef at Christmas but we handled it Instead we experimented making unique ethnic dishes emphasizing real vegetables and exceptional grains even if it did take three times more effort and time and taxed stomachs not used to all the beans What was more disappointing was not being able to use butter and eggs to make the traditional cakes and cookies that had been passed with pride through my mother s side of the family I tried hard to make new plant-based desserts with substitute ingredients but no matter what anybody declares they just do not taste the same Without these memorable recipes our family gatherings constantly feel lacking The last straw came after we had a barbecue with our daughter s family and grilled certain of the new fancy vegan burgers Afterward I became violently ill and only then discovered it contained a new synthetic ingredient that irritates digestive systems of people who have inflammatory conditions like mine Now that I m I am done I just don t have the body time or vitality to fight the veganism battle anymore What can be done Unhappy at the Holiday Table Dear Holiday Table I believe that you ve made a good faith effort to honor your daughter s veganism but I also believe that your resentment over this life choice is coloring your experience You characterize this as a battle but who is fighting For instance if you want the traditional cakes and cookies at a holiday what s stopping you from making them for yourself and other non-vegan guests while still making or assigning someone to make vegan alternatives No they will not taste the same This is true of any recipe modification If you need the originals at your holiday meals you can have them I don t see demands from your daughter in your letter Now they might be there in reality and if that s the circumstance then the situation is slightly different But either way ask yourself what s necessary for reasonable accommodations and what s too much for you If you don t like vegan burgers perhaps a burger-centric barbecue isn t the best option For instance there are so a multitude of vegan options for outdoor gatherings that can be made with items in your fridge and pantry right now from pasta salads to veggie skewers to more adventurous options like pulled jackfruit with barbecue sauce and grilled portabella mushrooms Dear Eric We live in a -unit mostly self-managed condo building We have been here years The woman above us had been here years or more when we moved in Over the last several years she has become increasingly hard It did not help that I was on the condo board when she was not paying her assessments not fulfilling her chapter plan etc She is upset that she hears noises from other units In retaliation she makes noise so that the rest of us will have to experience what she is going through The worst is when she runs noisy appliances that she is not veritably using sometimes creating a loud grinding sound When we ask her to stop she tells us that these are the reasons she is making the noise She plays music or her TV loud enough to interfere with my concentration And she occasionally bangs on walls or ceilings and screams Go back where you came from and other invective at the tenant who is a refugee Worse than that she has called the police to complain about the noise from the upstairs tenant more than once when it was just a mom and baby I suppose I should be grateful that the music is usually not objectionable no metal lots of oldies But I am angry that this continues and I want it to stop Related Articles Asking Eric Sibling took inheritance now she wants sister to carry a child for her Asking Eric Husband unfailingly in locked bathroom Asking Eric Back in her hometown woman judges friends who stayed behind Asking Eric Niece wants to know the truth about her father Asking Eric Grandmom seems jealous of attention injured grandson gets What do you recommend Want Quiet Dear Quiet This sounds awful no pun intended As a former member of your condo s board you re apparently familiar with the building s rules Is there a quiet enjoyment clause that your neighbor is violating If so you should bring this ongoing issue to the current board Now as you write she has a history of not paying her assessments so it sounds like this board isn t especially effective at enforcing its own rules Should the current board prove unhelpful you can consult with an attorney who specializes in condo boards and HOAs for more options for resolving internal disputes Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at 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