Dear Abby: Bullying is not the same as coaching, Dad

Dear Abby My son is a loving husband father and son He coaches his -year-old son my grandson in various sports and sometimes is just a spectator I m worried because he often berates his son s playing ability He has yelled at him during and after games whether he is coaching or not He yelled and screamed at him in front of everyone and later at home I have stated my son to no avail that it s OK to give constructive criticism but without the yelling I also have stated him how it crushes my grandson each time he does this My daughter-in-law is also at a loss for how to change his behavior My husband coached my son in sports when he was young and he was hard on him too I love my family dearly but I don t know what to do in this situation Abby what do you think we should do Heartaching Grandma in New Jersey Dear Grandma Your son may be a loving husband but he could use various coaching as a father Someone should point out to him that when a parent bullies a child about his poor athletic performance it rarely produces a positive effect It makes him lose interest in the sport and damages the youth s self-esteem and the effects can sometimes last a lifetime After your grandson has had enough of the verbal abuse don t be shocked if he drops out of the sport Your son should have learned from the terrible example his own father set that this kind of coaching usually doesn t produce the desired conclusion He should take out his aggression elsewhere Dear Abby Two years ago my mom invited all of my family on an international trip during the month of October One year ago my sister called me asking if I could cover certain things for her When I agreed and sought why she noted she and our parents were going on the international trip four months early I was shocked No one had announced the departure date was being moved up When I inquired my other sister about it she was also still under the impression we were going in October When I brought it up to my mom she got very defensive and declared we were all invited to come No we were not The plans changed and only one sister and her family were included They are on the trip now and I don t want any part of it They are posting pictures to our family group chat and I have decided not to look at them I m not sure how to move forward from here I m sad and frustrated over this while they are pretending everything is fine Left Behind in Colorado Dear Left When your mother and sister return from that trip there necessities to be a frank family discussion about what went wrong and why neither felt it was necessary to inform you that you and your other sister were excluded and why Pretending something that happened never happened never works out and if it isn t repaired the fallout can be long-lasting Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA